In the year 1981, the British band Queen gave the world a liberating anthem for people trapped in an alien relationship, with others or with themselves. The classic song Under Pressure strikes a chord today, deep within men in today’s society especially in the 40-plus age group. This demographic confronts tremendous pressure to conform to the societal norms of ‘masculine beauty’ or ‘a real man’. Paraphrasing the last verse of the song – “Love or others dare you to change your way, Caring more about others than ourselves”.
The Curve
Ten years back, the term ‘mid-life crisis’ would have conjured up images of pot-bellied men, carrying reskin briefcases, dressed in grey formal clothes with a rapidly receding, crescent shaped hair line. This unavoidable ‘curve’ strikes men in their late 40s and is being dealt by behaviors that are more suited to acne sporting teenagers.
Although small, but, there is a growing class of men, in their 40s who are redefining the new middle-aged ‘look’. They can be seen cycling on weekends, in uniforms that will make Macaw parrots look pale, religiously entering calories in the calories’ tracker app, unabashedly shopping for gluten-free foods and cold press oils, and munching from 5-seeds-mixture jar. The Voices explores the shades of the trajectory.
Knock Knock
Apart from natural ageing long working hours with constant pressure to catch deadlines takes a toll on a person’s body and appearance. Inches get added around the waist and patches start appearing on the head. But, thanks to modern-day technology and a few expensive cuts and needlework, everything can be tucked in or covered up.
Trail to cover up the bald head remains an unrivalled trend in contemporary times. Middle-aged men either are opting for, or, are nudged by the ‘societal expectations’ into getting the look that they once sported during college days.
Kuldeep Singh Meena, 44, a New Delhi based businessman, had lost most of the hair on his head as he approached 40. Hair oils and kitchen hacks like the unmissable onion paste, were of no help. Drowning in self-pity and lacking confidence, he only stepped out of his home while wearing a cap. Eventually, Kuldeep underwent a hair transplant. And today, with an undeniable sparkle in his eyes, he says, “The best part about this new look is to be able to redesign my wardrobe… bright colour t-shirts, shorts… jeans, which I couldn’t carry before”.
For Vinay Khurana (name changed), 40, a marketing specialist from Noida, a call for a transplant was overtly inspired from societal forces. Initially he believed that people will judge him by his character but subconsciously, what others were thinking of his ‘accountant look’ was weighing on his mind. After trying a number of medicines and serums (with 1-2% chance of causing erectile dysfunction) and not finding even a hair-width difference, he finally resorted to hair transplant.
At times lack of hair leads to men being assumed to be old and boring, so the fear of being left alone too is always there. In an interview given to the Economic Times, Dr Arika Bansal of Eugenix Hair Sciences states that hair loss adversely impacts career and relationships prospects for many. Hence, they ‘Hair-hack’.
Scale down
Now, let us focus our attention a little downwards. – the waist region. Pot belly, Teddy Bear and the newest addition ‘Dad-bod’ are becoming a thing of the past. With better knowledge about health and nutrition, hacks like intermittent fasting and goals like 7-12% body fat, the middle-aged men are trying hard to fight the inevitability of life.
Akhil Gupta, 40, a Noida based businessmen, was simply inspired from an unadulterated sense of being healthy. He had gone for a regular health check-up which rang the alarm bells. In his own words, he was in “danger zone”. Daily walks and guidance from his nutritionist helped him to get back into shape. The best part? His school going daughter is following in his footsteps by exercising daily, avoiding junk food and having balanced meals and that brings him a lot of joy.
For many middle-aged men, temptation of recalibrated living is rooted in need to overcome hurdles and have a sense of accomplishment. Prashant Khanna was politely turned down by the Sky Diving Instructor in Dubai, as he was overweight. He then subjected himself to a regimented lifestyle. Now he says this physical transformation has helped him mentally too and is ready to take on anything and everything. In his own words, “Till a few years ago, I had no good memories, but, now, I try to create beautiful moments… one of them was when I jumped off a plane at 13,000 feet… wind hitting my face and heart pounding… I saw earth and sky meeting in the horizon…”.
At times, societal expectations too make men above 40 feel insecure around younger or more desirable men. For Gurugram based media expert, Gaurav Bahl, 42, it was 5 letter word at a birthday party, ‘Uncle’, that inspired (pricked) him as few other fathers at the same party, were being called by their first name.
Reality check
To explore the psychological facets of the trend, The Voices spoke to Ankita Choudhury, Counselling Psychologist, based in Mumbai; “Everything is about self-acceptance… whether you are 100 kilos or 70.” She explains that since childhood, a perception is created about masculinity and good looks, and lack of safe communities, where one can discuss personal problems leads to insecurities within people.
To become more self-aware and build inner confidence. Ankita invites people to practice two things. “Keep a check on self-talk… is it negative or positive… and have a sense of gratitude… this will help in focusing on what you have and not what you are lacking…”.
Anushka Sharma, a Sociology graduate from Delhi University too unravelled the social dynamics behind the trend. She told The Voices, “Aging is a natural process and if we study patriarchal societies, men want to control everything, even age.” She also says that though men are physiologically most productive from 25 to 35 years of age, but they would go to great lengths to put up a show for the world that they are fit and productive even in their 40s.
The current post 40 year male age group seems to have completely drifted away from the great philosophy of self love put forth by J.W Goethe the German literary genius – ” I am what i am, so take me as i am….”
Capitalism.
Capitalism driven by an engine of consumerism and it’s non satiable hunger is another major factor in this phenomenon.
Anushka Sharma states that at first, the society drives men to work hard and chase materialistic pursuits. Having achieved them by the time they turn 40, the society then pushes them in an opposite direction – look like someone in their 20’s, selling them Botox injections, 5-seeds-mixture jars with magical anti-oxidant – anti aging properties and celebrity fitness trainers on-call.
The men above 40 succumbing to this trend are most often doing so to ‘fit in’ into an image of the ‘I’ as portrayed by C H Cooley – “I am not what I think I am, And I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am.”
Edited by NK Jha